The After Maths
by Skins'Lover-KK
Summary: After series 4 with all of gen 2-Freddies been missing for ages now and theres been no sighn of Cook either, but when he does return has he got good news for the group? or will his news shatter everyones lifes up along with his own? Naomily included :D
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Cook**

The rain came down heavily as it hit the muddy earth we all stood, gathered round the hole he was to be left in. I couldn't hold it in any more every face I looked at was shedding tears, crying for an important reason if this is when I was going to let my guard down it was okay because I had a fucking good reason to grieve I had lost everything and had nothing.

My best friend the only resemblance of family I had left disappeared before I could do anything. His friendship meant everything to me if I only sodden told him how much I loved him.

A tear escaped my eye I wanted to collapse down it should have been me, but it wasn't it happened to him. Nothing went good for him well at least not for long he got his girl and walked away for a happy ending but it's wasn't that simple. Nothing is fucking simple I had lost him.

I stood there with the blues for the most amazing guy I had known and was so glad to of known him along with the rest of the people who came along to mourn over him. I tensed up as I felt someone's fingers entwine with mine that was it, that brought me back to reality his gone…

it was Naomi I looked at her as her sympathetic eyes burnt into my skin I put my head on her shoulder, sobbing a result of all my held up emotions of anger how john could of done this to him, sadness that my closest mate has died, and regret that I didn't save him.

I am cook the party animal the person everyone thinks is such a laugh and never takes life to serious but truly I am cook the kid messed up who is alone.

Naomi patted my back hugging me embracing me with her reassurance

"Everything is going to be okay cook" she said whispering in my ear even though we both knew it wasn't.

Naomi was the only one I could open up to nowadays we both understood each other we were close as a guy and girl could be without having to shack up even though she was gay and in love.

I just wanted to stay like that forever in Naomi's arms I felt as if I actually meant something, comfort and warmth for a second I actually had hope for the future but it's not that easy is it?

That's why Freddie's dead, I am going to go to jail for beating the fuck out of the man who killed my best mate and JJ well he's moved on he doesn't need me no more as if I was just something to help him get through part of his life, The three fucking messed up musketeers I am pretty sure this isn't how they ended up in the movie, nah they got the ladies and riches and the good life but that only happens in films…

**Effy**

I burst into tears as I placed down the flowers I wanted to put on top of Freddie's coffin. Fucking flowers he is worth so much more but i guess you can't place love on top of a coffin

Yes Effy, you fucking loved him

Cook did him right to beat the crap out of john smith he had it coming if you were going to mess with James cooks mate; I learnt that the hard way.

I felt sorry for cook because Freddie was all he had and everyone here knew it he may have a poker face on that everything's going to start looking up from now on but he knows himself that that's bullshit I see right through him.

I stepped back giving other people a chance to say their goodbyes it was the afternoon and it was such a miserable day Freddie didn't deserve a sending off like this, it was shit I looked round at all the eyes most of them watering up. Naomi and Emily opposite me with cook crying into Naomi's shoulder poor guy, JJ was on the other side to cook with his new girlfriend holding his hand he was in tears a total wreck she didn't understand it all, how Freddie kept JJ and cook together he kept the future clear for cook and JJ's head clear so that he wouldn't get locked on she would never realise how much Freddie completed cook and JJ that's why I hated her.

Standing close to me was Katie I was glad she was there though we had become close recently and I felt more comfortable her being there. Tears drizzled down my cheek along with rain Katie wrapped her arm round me hugging in tight I started to relax I hadn't felt much emotion for a long time except sadness and depression and the future wasn't looking to bright for me these days since I lost the only person I had true feelings for, my parents are divorced so I never see my dad and my brother has disappeared from my sight haven't seen him in ages if he was here maybe he could help me, his life turned shit and that's why I looked up to him because he managed to make everything okay after losing Michelle and getting hit by a bus and mum becoming depressed I wish I could get hit by a bus and forget about everything.

I never really believed in God but if I did it wouldn't make a difference Freddie would still be dead and I would still be alone once again when I finally open up to someone I lose them; life is so fucked up. I couldn't handle the love between me and Freddie it was so strong one Minuit I was shagging anything that would wear a condom and the next I was in this major relationship were there were feelings and emotions and I just wasn't ready for it

On the other side to me was Panda and Thomas. Panda was whimpering into Thomas's chest as he stood there standing up straight with that shine in his eyes he was being brave for Panda she couldn't hold it together I wish I had someone to keep strong for me but he's dead now…

**Karen**

This was it the last time I am going to see Freddie for real as his body lay in the wooden coffin as it began to lower I started thinking of what a great brother he was. We used to be really close when we were younger like brothers and sisters should be we were a proper family when mum was still alive the pic-nicks and days out all the cheesy and corny things family's did that was us me Freddie mum and dad. I told Freddie everything and he told me everything to he kept me on the right road and made sure I turned out alright, I did of course thanks to him.

But the thing is I liked all the wrong things what I should have hated what everyone else hated I loved. Freddie didn't mind that, he knew that was just me and that's why I loved him we accepted each other for who we were.

But when mum died things began to change Freddie got older and we began to tear apart I went off and did my own thing and he did the same and that was just it we kept out of each other's ways.

I remember standing above mum's grave like I am now I remember Freddie reaching out for my hand as the waterworks came he was being brave for me since dad was pretty useless crying the most. It was hard for Freddie to not cry but he did it for me and that's what I call a big brother to look up to.

I regret not being as close as we used to be, Freddie and me, maybe if we still were I could of saved him talked about it but it's too late for that now I had lost him and my mum not much of a family now just me and my dad I hated that thought, The thought of reality.

My mascara ran down my face what was I thinking I should of put on water proof I bet I look like a wreck but that didn't matter because I was mourning for my dead brother who meant the world to me I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder to my surprise it was Thomas he had walked over from where he was standing with Panda and Effy who were now hugging each other with Katie as well, all Freddie's friends I didn't understand them how Effy treated Freddie making him chase her, how Katie treated Effy betraying her and stealing Freddie, When Effy hit Katie with a rock that's not friendship Freddie didn't deserve that.

"Freddie was a good person and I bet he was a brilliant brother and I just want to say I am sorry for your loss, and if you need anything I am here for you"

I was relieved that Freddie did have such a nice friend like Thomas I hardly know him and we have had only had one conversation but he seems really nice the kind of mates Freddie should have had.

"Thank you that is very nice of you Thomas" I said trying to smile but he saw right through me and I broke down in tears I fell into him and he put his arms around me with a tight grip making things durable while the priest was saying his last words as I whimpered into Thomas my dad came back from his speech and took over for Thomas hugging me a little more loosely then Thomas but still nice. A Minuit ago I felt so lonely and now I was suddenly embraced by all this love it made me feel good for a bit. I turned my face to Thomas still hugging my dad

"Thank you" I said he didn't hear me but I knew that he had read my lips; he nodded and smiled before returning back to panda and Effy.

"It's just us now kiddo" dad whispered into my ear I hugged even harder not wanting to let go he was the only family I have now and I don't want to lose him if only I could stay like that forever

I looked over my dad's shoulder and saw him the one who did this to Freddie, the one who made this happen I could never forgive him he's always thinking of himself and when Freddie needed him the most he wasn't there, Cook the cunt…

**Naomi**

The ceremony had finished and people began to leave a lot of family and friends showed up people I had never seen before, but why would I of; Freddie was very personal with his family life and kept them in the dark. I wasn't that close to Freddie none of us were except cook, JJ and Effy he didn't really open up to people we were friends but just not best friends I think I regret that the most not getting to know him.

He was such a good guy and just got caught up in the rush of life, some people make it and some don't I guess it was just so unlucky, fuck that luck isn't involved in this kind of thing he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

He was in love like me except he did the chasing after Effy and when they finally got together everything went wrong you can't have too much of a good thing for too long that's what I am afraid of, losing Emily like Effy lost Freddie what if that's what happened to Emily and this was her funeral I wouldn't be able to cope without her, she's a big part of my life now and I want to keep her close, keep her safe I don't want to ever lose her.

Life was so simple when I was a kid now I have all these responsibilities of a relationship and friends but I don't regret opening up to a person for once and stop being a sarcastic bitch to hide my emotions life isn't so sodden miserable now I have Emily, now she's mine.

I hung onto cook knowing this is all his got, my shoulder feeling damp from his tears, I am worried for him his not just a prick his a prick with feelings his such a nice guy once he stops thinking about his Crayola dick and getting laid.

"Cook, it's time to go" I said softly as I stepped back from him, releasing him from our hug. He looked at me with his red eyes from all the crying he had done

"I need a Minuit, just give me a moment alone and I'll catch up with you" he replied his voice cracking as he spoke.

"Okay well be waiting over there then" I said to him soothingly, I couldn't stand seeing him this upset.

I took Emily's hand and we walked back up to where everyone else was. I hadn't cried during the ceremony but I still felt shit over the loss of Freddie. Emily had been crying though she's such a sensitive little thing, bless her I put my arm around her to try and make her feel better, if that was possible

"I can't believe Freddie's gone" she said wiping away a tear

"I know" I sighed with sadness

"It wasn't fair he was so young, he was are age" Emily said with sorrow in her voice

"It's just not right" I whispered even I felt like crying now

"It's weird to actually see someone who is our age die I mean I heard it in the news but it's such a different feeling when it actually happens to your friend" she said tearing up again

"We just can't take things for granted" I replied turning to her, facing her and looking deep into her eyes. I brushed back a bit of her hair to reveal her cherry red cheeks. I gently kiss her lips as she followed me back not wanting to finish the kiss yet I bit her bottom lip teasingly then slipping my tongue in her mouth I kissed her passionately she groaned and pushed her hips towards me.

"I love you" Emily said under her heavy breathing

"I love you to….so much" I replied shaking from the feelings I get when I touch Emily…

**Katie**

Effy was cut up, she didn't know what to do with herself I could see it the way she stopped talking to people or stopped attempting to look nice this was the first time she got dressed in two weeks since she found out about Freddie's death.

I tried to go visit her as often as I could but it was hard to see her like this so hurt, so upset she was probably the closest friend I have and the fact that nothing will ever make her feel okay I couldn't stand it.

I was crying, Crying for Freddie for his death, crying for cook because he's life was so screwed up, crying for Effy of her loss and crying for myself about how crap I felt.

We were all messed up so bad I don't know how I can move on from all of this. I had been hugging Effy all through the funeral I wanted to be there for her since no one else was Also keeping my face hidden in her shoulder kept me protected from people seeing me in such a wreck Freddie's death hit me hard it was so unexpected he was the guy who kept his cool he was nice too everyone and was just an amazing person I loved him not in that emotional sappy way but as a mate.

He was always fucking stoned and took everything with a pinch of salt not caring about much except the people in his life he didn't expect anything of anyone.

That's why he never got disappointed I wish I was like that but everyone just lets me down…

I held Effy's hand tightly so letting go wasn't an option and pulled her away everyone had left, all Freddie's family. Karen placed her flowers for Freddie then walked off with Thomas and Panda she couldn't take it anymore. Naomi and Emily had walked of; there never apart I wish I had someone like that. They had left cook to say his last goodbyes to Freddie.

I could see JJ ahead why wasn't he with cook? Cook needed someone especially at this point in his life he was slowly falling apart.

I walked with Effy to catch up with Panda it was such a depressing day everyone was so overwhelmed by the knock of reality that these kinds of thing do happen.

I looked back to see a weak desperate Cook by Freddie's grave I held Effy in my arms then let go of her hand she was only a couple of steps away from Thomas and Panda and everyone I looked at Cook and she understood straight away and nodded.

I slowly walked back to cook I couldn't just abandon him he may be a dick head but he was my I reached him I could hear him crying still. I felt so bad for him, we all did I reached out and touched his back with my fingertips he jumped.

"Shit….Katie" he spoke whilst nodding

"Just wanted to make sure you're okay" I said regretting it because he wasn't okay and I knew he wasn't, nothing would make it 'OK'…

He just looked at me scanning me from head to toe with his sorry eyes, hands in his pockets of his trousers looking so vulnerable.

"How can things be so perfect one Minuit and then suddenly change?" he said questioning me

"Nothing can stay the same cook" I replied the best answer I could think up of right then on the spot

He thought about what I had said biting his lip

"How could God let this happen" He said looking at his shoes

I felt like the spotlight was on me "What" I asked slightly confused not being able to believe that cook was much of a god follower because of all the sex, drugs and drinking he did

"How can he give life to someone and take it away so quickly as if he was teasing us?" he mumbled kicking the long bits of grass

I wasn't too sure how to answer, "We are all given life and our life holds no guarantees with it except death" I responded "It's not for you or I to decide when it's someone's 'time', We all have to go sometime..." I stated out.

He nodded agreeing with me "Then why did John smith get to decide when Freddie was to die?" he sobbed wiping away the tears with his sleeve

"it's hard for me to say ,I don't really know" I Murmured, I could see the disappointment in his glum face when I wasn't able to answer his question, that's all he wanted was some answers to reassure him and nobody was able to give them to him it saddened me at the thought of this.

He whipped out a pre-made up spliff from his pocket and also a lighter he sparked it up and took in a long breath of it, making little O's as he breathed the smoke out; I loved it when he did that

"Here" he hinted the spliff at me "one last spliff for good old Fredster" he proposed as he handed it to me. I took it into my shaking hands and inhaled the smoke I coughed; never was too good at this, it felt great a feeling I had longed for, for a while.

"God knows Freddie would be skipping lesson, sat in his shed stoned by now" he smirked

I smiled for the first time in ages. I had been putting on a pretend smile before now but his one was real.

"Cook do u really believe in God" I questioned

"If he does exists he is one strange fucked up weirdo" He responded grinning

I Giggled, taking another breathe in of the spliff, Then passed it back to cook

"Do you think I am going to be okay Katiekins?" He asked me in a childish voice

"Your fucking James Cook course you're going to be okay" I smiled

He laughed and I joined in with him it was, good to just relax for once I felt better that I was with cook

We stayed there for about twenty minutes smoking the spliff, passing it back and forth talking about nothing and everything…


	2. Chapter 2

**Please review this is my first fan fic so i dont know what its like, hope you enjoyed the last chapter i liked the ending were good old Cook gets high in a graveyard with katiekins:L **

**Really do appreciate anyone who reads this so thankyou :) hope this chapter is satisfactory for you all :P i want to publish more chapters up after this one i have a whole idea of were this story could lead to with the chracters :) so please respond and tell me what you think even if its for improvments i am grateful for your time tell me what your thoughts are :) **

Chapter 2

**Naomi**

I lay there awake looking up at my ceiling, a beautiful red head by my side blissfully sleeping.

It had been two weeks since Freddie's funeral and everyone was still shaken up that he was dead and now lay 6 feet under the ground it was a reality check bringing us all back to our depressing, dull lives were nothing goes right for anyone in Bristol.

It was hard to go back to normality since cook had been staying with me, Emily and mum. He moped around all day not saying a word and smoking 40 a day escaping back to the small room we were letting him stay in after lunch, dinner and tea.

He was grateful to mum for feeding him and letting him stay but he just didn't have the spirit any more to do anything.

"Morning you" Emily said cheekily

"You're awake" I yawned and smiled

She stroked my cheek, Things between me and Emily had been great once more after my declare for her love, For a while I thought we were over I didn't know what was going on between us she went out partying every night and I would stay home and get drunk of my face we both were trying to forget the tension between each other and of course she was trying to punish me; which I deserved.

I finally grew a pair of balls and chased after my true love, what if I had just let her go without me trying to fight for her back I would of lost her.

"You making breakfast then hunny" Emily assumed sweetly

"I am afraid we only have time for toast cooks to be in court in an hour" I reminded her

"Oh shit! Is today cooks important day; I totally forgot" She said as she got up and started brushing her hair in the mirror

"I am afraid so" I informed her sitting up on the bed with the warmth of the covers on me.

She was worried for cook as she knew he was going to be put in jail for a long time; we both knew. The beating the crap out of that poor kid at the party, Also half killing john smith and as well the selling of the MDMA… but that was my fault and I was letting cook my close mate take the blame was it really right of me?

He insisted to me it was okay that he owed me but I wasn't persuaded by that, Emily wouldn't want me to admit up to it and be locked up I couldn't stand being apart from her for very long and me in jail…HA I wouldn't survive.

I got up of the bed stretching my arms in the air then I went over to where Emily was and wrapped my arms round her, I looked at the both of us in the mirror; were so perfect. I couldn't leave all this could I? But I couldn't let cook take the blame either.

"Naomi we don't have time, we need to be there for cook" she moaned trying to get out of my grip I just held tighter, she smiled.

I kissed her shoulder blade making my way up, next her neck then her jaw line then her ear as I nibbled at it teasingly she turned round and faced me and placed a kiss on my lips; too short for my likening then she managed to wriggle out from my arms

"Now go wake cook will you?" she whispered in my ear as she tapped my cheek to hurry me along

As she walked of I grabbed her hand and dragged her back embracing her with my lips and slipping my tongue into her mouth she didn't struggle to get away she relaxed as I held her once again in my arms.

Cook

I sat up on the bed; my arms folded leaning on my upright knees, dreading the day ahead of me. It was all so difficult trying to keep strong when you have nobody, I mean I had Naomi and Emily, Effy and Katie and even JJ when he actually wants to be with me who would I am a dick. They all have someone; but I don't.

There was a knock on the bedroom door I looked up it was Naomi peering through it

"Hey cook" cheerfully she said" Just wanted to make sure you were up, big day today"

"Yep" I replied biting my bottom lip, I didn't want to show her how terrified I truly was it was scary shit.

"It'll be okay Cook Emily and I will be watching in the stand, were here for you, don't think you have to do this alone" she spoke reassuring me

I nodded at her I didn't have much to say, never do nowadays I wish I could tell her how scared I am, how much I wanted to not be alone, how I just wanted to run away but I couldn't I had to be brave, keep my cool

"Cook I need to speak to you" she claimed as she came and sat by me. It was as if all the joy had suddenly disappeared in her face; she seemed serious

"I don't think I can let you go through with this, letting you take the blame for the MDMA" she admitted to me

Oh no not this again, it was my fault I gave her the drugs why couldn't she get that into her head

Naomi carried on speaking "It's just its not right of me or fair to you if you get put in jail for it and i…."

"Don't" I ordered, stopping her from finishing her sentence. She had been good to me, a close mate of mine and I owed it to her

"my life is already so messed up, I am not going to take you down with me, you're going to go far in life and a criminal record won't help you get there will it now, your just being silly Naomikins" I insisted I didn't want her feeling guilty about it all

"But cook this was my doing and you're paying the time for it when I should be" She pleaded

"Naomi, think of Emily and how hurt she would be, and what about your mum don't disappoint her and university you need to go to Goldsmiths!" I explained, carrying on "you have all this right here so why would you want to lose it all, I have nothing to lose it will do me some good to be locked away from life for a while" I told her.

"But I'll be disappointing myself if I let you go through with this" Naomi stuttered

I lay back onto the bed and so did Naomi we lay in silence for a few long minuets

"I don't need you to do this for me Cook" She stated

"No… but I need to do this for myself" I stammered

"Okay" she answered taking my hand as we relaxed on the bed. It felt good when she touched me as if I was worth something, it made the day ahead less horrifying it made me feel like I could get through all of this

**Karen**

I stood there as the water drizzled down, my skin tensing when the water hit it with its warmth spray. I didn't want to move I had positioned myself under the shower head it was so relaxing just to feel the touch of something.

I put my face into my hands thinking of cook and his court case today

Should I go?

Did cook really need me he had Naomi, Emily, JJ and Effy by his side I was still angry at him annoyed at how he didn't give a shit about anyone, how he didn't give a shit about Freddie.

Locking the mental case up for a while wouldn't be so bad give things some time to calm down a bit, after all it was all his fault beating up that person at the party heard that was nasty, killing Sophia well supplying the drugs so she had the courage to kill herself and beating the fuck out of john that was the best thing cook had ever done, after all he deserved it for killing my brother he deserved a lot worse than cooks wrath, Cook was so violent he needed to start getting a grip of life he was already behind.

His court case was in 45 minutes so I had to think quickly whether to turn up

Freddie would of probably of wanted me to be there since it was his best mate and I had known cook since I was a little girl I had a crush on him in those good old days of childhood, cringe for likening cook, I call them the good old days as those were when nothing mattered my biggest problems were persuading my parents to buy me the brand new Barbie doll or to get the sugar coated cereal instead of the healthy shit. If I got bullied I would tell Freddie and he would beat the shit out of anyone who would mess with me. If something bothered me I would go cry to my mum that was the best thing she was still alive back then…and so was Freddie. I miss it all now I never appreciated it and took it for granted thinking it was always going to be like that; but of course it wasn't

Cook caused Freddie death, he did; didn't he? He didn't go save Freddie, he stole Freddie's girl and he wasn't there for him when Freddie really needed someone that's why Fredster couldn't handle it anymore not having anyone except a depressing girlfriend which he referred to as loving her well look where it got you Freddie…under the ground, in a wooden box, dead

**JJ**

I lay their looking at the all so perfect shape of it, its peachy perfection hiding under the lose material, scanning down to the view of the two soft, tenderness, sexy lower extremities how could such a thing be so amazing,

"Hey cheeky looking at my arse" she giggled walking over to me on the bed

"Arse AND legs to be certain" I simply indicated smiling a cheesy grin

"And are you certain you should really be doing that" she replied teasingly, she had been looking at my big board were I had written things on about my life so things didn't become too confusing in big letters she had wrote "Lara loves JJ" that made me chuffed because I truly did have the same feelings

"Well when people date they see each other as if they belong to each other, owning each other so your arse and legs realistically belong to me" I assured her cheekily

Her jaw dropped in shock but then she started laughing and I joined In, I was so happy, but I shouldn't be my best friend was dead and my other friend was going to jail yet here I was with the person I loved the most; happy as a fiddle

"JJ" she whispered in a sexy voice that made tingles go down my back

"Yes" I asked raising an eyebrow intrigued to what she had to say

"Don't be a dick" Lara insisted

I smirked at her as she placed a wet kiss upon my nose.

I was enjoying having a girlfriend someone I could talk to for hours, enjoy life with and best off all the sex…of course it made it even more amazing that I love her and she loves me.

She sat crossed legged between my legs, looking oh so dazzling I leaned in to kiss her as are lips touched. Then I softly placed little kisses down her jaw line moving down to her gentle neck then to her delicate shoulder blade she groaned enjoying the moment. I then began moving even further down to her amazing symmetrical breasts I loved so much.

She grasped my head of curls as I pecked tender kisses on her body. I rested my head between her beasts for a moment smelling Lara's scent, sweet and delicious.

She let go of my hair giving me permission to move further down as I did, passing by her yummy tummy. I reached the destination my goal was set on but I wasn't going to give in easily so I teasingly kissed her thighs as she groaned pleading me to start the real action I followed her orders as the mind blowing sex began!

**Katie**

"Effy please…" I pleaded as I knocked on the bathroom door

"I am not going" she yelled through the wood what was separating us

"Cook needs us to be there for him" I tried

"No… he doesn't, he doesn't give a shit about anyone so we should just be the same about him" She replied harshly

That was partly true, but it just came with Cooks personality you know that's how we all knew him the selfish bastard, a sly smile creped across my face as thoughts of Cook passed through my mind, not in that way of course! He was just a friend

"You have to come Freddie would of wanting you to be there for him

Since Freddie obviously couldn't be there

Silence came across the flat of the mention of Freddie, Effie's love

"Fuck, Shit I am so sorry Effy I didn't mean-"

"Its fine" she cut me off

"You can't go on like this Effy" I mentioned now it was already awkward

"I know" she gasped hearing her breath hit the door

"He wouldn't have wanted this, staying in your flat all day" I informed her, she had moved out of her parents' house when her mum tried to help her get through Freddie's death, but of course no one could do that, especially not me

"Of course he fucking wouldn't of wanted this, to of died!" she screamed

I lay there against the door and slowly slid down to sit on the floor against the wood, stunned at Effie's reaction

A few moments had passed and still no noise I started thinking about that night, in Freddie's shed when we were all so happy, all so unaware of Freddie's death if only it could have stayed like that.

I know it sounds selfish, I am a bitch but I was actually enjoying life for that fragment of the evening my sister was back on sappy love with Naomi, I have to admit she could do worse.

Panda and Thomas were talking I saw them holding hands sitting against the mirror both gleaming with each other's presence. JJ was with us, that was the last time though he suddenly forgot all about us when he heard about Freddie as if that was the only thing that kept him around I mean that didn't sadden me that he disappeared from my life he was a weirdo but still a friend and it always hurts when someone leaves you because they don't want to be with you anymore,

Cook was stoned, happy and drunk the status he is normally in when I find him all so adorable

Crap did I actually just think that about Cook

But most important of all was Effy, she wasn't all depressed and glum but was enjoying everything that night plus she was completely out of it and had no worries.

That made me happy. Seeing everyone else being happy, I liked to control the situation make sure everything was going good for everyone, not caring about me.

To tell you the truth I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, maybe it was when I was popular and kept my sister in the shadows, the only time I was happy was when she was sad

You're a bitch Katie fucking Fitch

I remember I would hide behind guys shagging them on one night stands, not believing in love I mean look were it got Freddie and Effy but there's still Naomi and Emily how much joy they bring to each other, when one of them suddenly brightens up when the other walks into the same room

I was shocked as I fell back from the sudden open of the door I fell onto my back, my head hitting against the tile floor of the bathroom

"Ow…" I winced at the pain

"Sorry" replied a sad Effy stood up looking down at me

"It's fine, I am a clumsy bastard" I answered with a chuckle to myself

Effy smiled down at me "No I mean I am sorry for being a bitch" she admitted

"Oh…" I sputtered out scared of the sudden seriousness

She sat down beside me as I got up to face her looking deep into her eyes seeing sorrow and the loss in her.

"You've been good to me Katie, been there for me and I have just thrown t right back in your face, it's not fair for you" she began

"Well nothings fair in life" I stuttered out still grasping the fact that Effy Stonem was actually opening up to some one

"Yeah but you don't deserve it, why don't you just leave and you won't have to deal with all this, my problems" she added

"Well I am not letting you face this alone, no one can and I am not expecting you to be grateful because you're having a hard time and need someone to blame and lash out at, suppose that's going to have to be me, and I will take it" I reassured her with a sly grin

"I don't fucking get you Katie Fitch" She whispered with an infamous Effy smile

"No one does especially me" I giggled and Effy joined in

"I think that's what you need, someone to understand you" she commented

It was so true; I needed someone who knew me more than I did

I nodded opening and shutting my lips

"Thank you Katie for not letting go like the rest did" she murmured before I could say anything

We both looked at each other and there was a glimpse of relief in Effy eyes as I nodded showing her that I understand nothing was left to say, nothing was needed to be said as I embraced her in a loving hug she wrapped her arms around me with a tight, but nice grip


	3. Chapter 3

**Effy**

We all stood there, in court, waiting for Cooks fate to be unravelled. The judge deciding what was going to happen to him.

"The actions taken by James cook were very serious, selling illegal drugs, Attacking and nearly killing a man and running away from your four weeks set at young offenders you will not be put of lightly" the judge declared

Cook just nodded as he stood in trial, hands in pockets looking fiercely into the judge's eyes, not good Cook.

I felt for him having to go through all this just because of his over protective instincts of beating the fuck out of anyone who messes with him or his friends. This was the first outing were I didn't pour out tears since I hadn't left my apartment for weeks only time I went out was… was Freddie's funeral such a sensitive subject I didn't want to think about it but I had to he meant so fucking much to him I opened up to him but lost him and its killing me not to have him or be able to control him with his love for me.

My mum tried to send me to a new psychosis but no fucking way when john foster turned out to be a mental case, why didn't she understand that?

"We have come to a decision of what to do about you mischiefs' young man…" the judge spoke sternly

This was it the moment we learn what is going to happen to Cook, no one could stop this from happening

**Naomi**

Thoughts whizzed around my head as I stared at the vulnerable, desperate person positioned in the middle of the room, my best friend who was going through all of this for me and I was letting him without even a fight I was weak and upset with myself for allowing this to happen

Was I really being a true friend?

Cook, my Cook was so alone and defenceless and I wasn't helping him, was all this meant to be happening it didn't feel right, not at all

I felt a gentle squeeze of the hand as Emily looked adoringly into my eyes as I turned to look at her

"It is okay, Cook can do this" Emily whispered as the soft words hit my ears. As if she had read my mind or something.

That's one reason why I loved her so much there neaten be words she just understands me. I nodded and gave her a small smile. Cook made a quick glance at me as I saw his cheeky grin was this a joke to him. I tried to smile back but didn't have the strength so he got a crooked smile in return that seemed good enough for him as he gave me a nod

"Excuse me! Are you even listening" the judge squealed making Cook jump "This is no time for lolly-gagging young man, frame yourself do you have no manners this is very serious business so I suggest you start taking it in" Finished off the judge then returned to looking at a piece of paper

"Of course I was listening, how I could ignore such a beautiful women like yourself" expressed cook, the judge blushed, and I smirked at cooks charms that he had tried on me as well before in the past. Everyone laughed in the stands as Cook winked at me, good old Cook still had his humour

**Emily**

When I got my breath back from all the laughing and the court had hushed down I started thinking about that day, when we got called in by the police to see Cook, he had been arrested for beating up John Foster. It had been a couple of weeks since we had seen cook and Naomi started to worry even though she tried to hide it from me

_**Flash back to that day and the past**_

"Well good morning to you to" Naomi gasped as I backed away from a passionate kiss

"I wanted to wake you up in a not-so-bitchy way" I replied gleaming back at her

"If only you did that every day" She joked sitting up and leaning on her elbow

I playfully hit her as we both giggled

"Any way why do we need to be up its only" she yawned as she turned to the panda clock on her bedside table "9:30 Ems!"

"Sorry I couldn't sleep" I answered

"So you decide to wake me up to, I don't do that to you" she whined

"Yeah and I hate when you do that because it means I wake up with you not there, like you should be" I exclaimed

"I don't mind a bed to myself once in a while" she sarcastically spoke, it hurt when she said that but I didn't show it

"Well I guess you don't mind having a shower by yourself either" I announced

"No Ems we got to save water" she jokingly cried

"I don't mind a shower to myself once in a while" I mocked

"Ems…" she winced. Naomi crept up behind me as I sat at the end of the bed and wrapped her long arms around me placing her head between the figure of my neck

"Don't be a bitch" she muffled as her face lay into my shoulder

"That's what exactly I am trying not to do" I informed her as she chuckled, I then turned round and tickled her as she wriggled about on the bed both of us happy and laughing I then left her to recover and sprinted to the bathroom she soon followed by but I shut the door in her face

"Nooo…" she cried

I couldn't resist her helplessness as if her whole world would come crashing down if I didn't open that door

_Oh yes Emily, she loves you_

As I unlocked the door and the hatch made a clicking noise I swiftly opened the door

"See I am not a bitch" I cheekily grinned at the gorgeous blonde before me

"Awww… and I was hoping for Katie to be hiding behind this door" she teased

"And I was hoping I would get the real famous Naomi Campbell, she's fucking hot, but instead I get the downgraded version; disappointment" I pointed out as she smiled at me

"I am sorry" she expressed with a sudden frown "but I like to think I am a better shag then her"` she admitted with a wink

"Well I am only in it for the sex so that's perfect" I announced leaning against the door

"Oh and thought it was because you loved me and my amazing personality" she responded

"Maybe that to" I sneered "now about your amazing sex skills, let's really find out how good you are" I suggested pulling her into the bathroom by her shirt and closing the door behind us

Katie

I picked up the shirt in the clothes shop suggesting it to Effy she just looked at me slightly disgusted that I would like such a thing

"Sorry but do I have a rough hippy style like you…No I don't" I explained to her

"No you have a slutty, dirty look and have an eye for leopard skin" she claimed

"You Bitch!" I shouted even though the leopard part was true

She just smirked at me

"Take it you don't like it" I asked

"It's fucking horrible" she admitted whilst taking it out of my hands and shoving it back on its hanger

"I thought it was rather nice" I replied

She gave me an infamous Effy look and I understood, shut the hell up Katie

"Fine you pick out something for me" I decided

"I shall" she notified and walked off to the part of the clothes shop were all the dark depressing clothes were

Great…

**Effy**

"Nope, no, ha defiantly a no go aha..." I whispered to myself picking out an outfit for Katie that actually covered her up but still looked good it was dark grey with random words and a face of a women on it something I would wear, so instantly I liked it add a few bangles, leggings and a long necklace and it would look great

Ring, ring…ring, ring

My phone vibrated in my pocket as went to pick it up before answering I checked the caller ID my heart sank when it wasn't Freddie I hadn't seen him for weeks, were had he gone? And for a matter of fact I hadn't seen cook for ages either maybe he's gone to find him. I decided to answer it since it was Naomi calling

"Hello" I answered

"Effy…" Naomi stuttered out at the other end of the phone, her voice in shock

"Naomi you okay?" I asked worriedly

"Yeah…am I am fine, it's just…" I gave her a few seconds to finish of her sentence but she seemed like she didn't want to

"Naomi what's going on?" I objected wanting her to get to the point already so I knew what the fuck was happening

"The police they…they found cook" she mumbled

"Found him, what do you mean found him? He wasn't missing in the first place was he?" I was confused

"They found cook in john Fosters basement" she informed me

"What my psychosis, what was he doing there?" I questioned this was all so muddled up

"Yeah him, and he was found smashed up like really bad" she was nearly in tears

I gasped "Is cook okay?" I shouted down the phone angry because I didn't understand

"Yes… he's okay"

"Okay? What the fuck does that mean Naomi is he going to be alright?" I was Furious at the limit of answers I was getting

"Yes he will… but I don't know if john foster will be" Naomi stated calmly

"What? Why? Who?" I babbled wanting to know the answers

"I don't know" she whispered

"Naomi stop telling me bull shit and give me some real answers!" I screamed down the phone

She started crying and I felt guilty I don't know where that came from all that rage. There were a few sniffles coming from the other end of the phone the Naomi spoke again

"The police rang me told me about them finding cook beaten up and how John foster was there as well they think Cook beat the man half to death but nobody knows why they have taken in cook for the past few weeks, that's where he has been and none of us even knew, Cook isn't telling them anything so they want me to come in and speak to him, thought you should come to"

I was silent for a moment taking it all in, it was all too much

"And also Effy…."Naomi carried on "They found some of Freddie's clothes with blood on them" she stuttered, I knew she didn't want to tell me that. Tears suddenly filled my eyes and they began to pour out I didn't understand why I was crying

No Effy don't be silly that wont of happened why would John Foster do that to Freddie

"No it will be cooks clothes, Cooks blood" I expressed wanting to be right

"Just come to the police station Effy" she whimpered

"Okay I'll be there in 15 minutes" I uttered out then hung up grasping on the phone knowing it was the portal to reality

"Effy…" Katie whispered I turned round and looked at her, she was stunned and didn't move, my mascara had run and I probably looked a mess but I didn't care, I remembered that I was still holding the outfit I had picked out for Katie, I dropped it as it made a clang noise as it hit against the hard floor wishing I could be like that and just keep falling and falling

Katie ushered over to me wrapping her arms over me as I dug my face into her shoulder

"Shhh…. It's okay… it's okay Effy" she whispered to me calming me down, it helped that she was there for me even though she didn't know what the fuck was going on, who was I kidding I didn't know what was going on

"Please Katie… please take me to the police station" I pleaded

She drew me back and looked into my eyes then nodded

**Thomas **

"What do you call this, hey?" the manager yelled as we sat in her office watching the CCTV tape of this afternoon event.

I looked a JJ giving him the 'what the fuck' look we were only messing about when I pushed JJ into the sweets and the whole shelf came tumbling down causing a rainbow of colour across the shop floor

"What do you boys think you're playing at" she screeched "This isn't a place to mess about and do what the hell you want to do it's your jobs well won't be very soon if this carries on" she bellowed

"We are terribly sorry Sarah" I responded with especially big puppy dog eyes

"You should be" she signed with frustration, "and its miss to you" Sarah glared at both JJ and me

"We were just joking about we didn't mean for it to get out of hand like that" JJ explained stuttering due to the fear of the scary boss

"Which is exactly what you should not be doing, joking about scaring off the customers and damaging the products!" she replied a bit louder then was needed, I think JJ got the point

"It won't happen again" I encouraged trying to calm her down

"I should hope so otherwise you won't work here anymore. And of course this will be coming out of your salaries" she insisted

"Of course, yes, yes defiantly" I pushed out of my lips, just wanting to leave the room

"Good now you may leave" she announced walking to her desk, putting on her glasses and reading of the paper she had just picked up

"Thank you" I whispered even though I was grateful for nothing but my mother always taught me proper manners as I nodded and left the room with JJ.

"So naughty boys are you getting fired" Lara joked

"Errmm… no just a light warning" JJ informed with a smile

"Good because this job would be crap without you working by my side" she expressed wrapping her arms around JJ and kissing him elegantly on the lips

"Yes I can't imagine working without my best friend and girlfriend to mess about with" he declared

"Even though we all know the messing about you do with me is very different to the messing about you do with Lara" I winked nudging his arm

JJ laughed awkwardly and kept glancing between me and Lara

"Oi! Cheeky" Lara burst out as she kept embracing JJ having her arm around his waist and his arm around her shoulder as we walked down one of the isle

"Well my shift is nearly over so I am going to go get some things from my locker before I leave, I will see you later yes?"

"Yeah course bye Thomas great shift today especially getting Sarah shouting at us" He laughed

"Oh whatever you were shitting a brick when she called us in" I retaliated playfully

"Sorry but who isn't scared of a women who is half man beast" he implied

We all howled with laughter at our moody boss who we all had very strong hatred for, making our work here miserable whenever she could

"JJ that is outrageous, putting the coca cola bottles next to the rainbow swirls you've got it all wrong you're going to have to start again" I quoted an imitation of scary Sarah

"No Thomas No! No! No! You can't serve the red lollies in a pink basket the colours clash!" JJ mocked as we all chuckled

I wiped away my grin as Sarah walked by if she had been a second earlier she would of heard us joking about her I looked at JJ and Lara both trying to hold in their laughter about to piss their pants. Sarah walked of and a wave of giggles was heard from us

"Right I am off see, you laters" I waved goodbye and steadily walked to the locker rooms I only had 5 minutes then I could clock out but Sarah would go mental even if I left 2 minutes before my shift was over so I was biding my time

it had been an eventful day being threatened of losing my job I think I could get another under paid crappy job if I did get fired but good thing I didn't because I needed this pay check at the end of the month to pay for my family's new house I was bringing home the money and my brother, sister and mother depended on me a lot of responsibility for a 18 year old me thinks

I opened the door slyly checking Sarah wasn't going to pop out from somewhere and start yelling at me for leaving a few minutes early but I had to get out of here I was tired and needed some rest before I went to my next job to tell the truth I couldn't wait to leave all this, the working. The drugs, the alcohol, the pricks and her, the girl I loved…

I opened my door quickly nearly whacking myself in the face with the metal door I then rummaged through my locker it was full of crap sweet wrappers, empty beer can's and also a packet of cigarettes which I picked up and shoved in my pocket and threw my work apron into the locker.

There she was so perfect, her brightly coloured clothes daring to be different to all the other girls and her cheeky grin that brightens up my day. She's so beautiful I was lucky, when I had her but I threw it all away for what; a quick shag with some girl I thought I was better than that but really I was exactly the same as Cook I had shamed myself, disgraced my family and dishonoured my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend.

I put down the picture of Panda I had been looking at, her arms wrapped around me both of us gleaming with joy in the photo I remember the day it had been taken the little group of me and eight other people I called friends went to the water park, it was such a beautiful day.

I smiled at the thought of how it took me ages to persuade Panda to un-dress and get into her bikini because she was so self-conscious, but I didn't know why because her body was perfect, is perfect.

We stayed at that water park all day Panda insisting we had to go down all the slides together which of course I didn't mind then in the wave pool I dragged her to the deepest bit with her kicking and screaming but she eventually stopped when I held her tightly in my arms, she trusted me to keep her safe.

We stayed till late at night the nine of us in a field near the waterpark smoking a couple of drags between us, each with a beer and roasting marshmallows on the fire what took us bloody ages to start

I missed those days when I was happy I didn't realise how fragile everything was and how easily I could screw up she meant a lot to me, Panda did, If only she realised that and that I would do anything to get her back. I closed my locker, still grasping onto the precious photo and walked out of the room determined to do fix this.

**Katie**

I didn't understand why I was in the police station, I didn't understand why Naomi was in tears with Emily cradling her and I didn't understand why all the police men working were giving me worried glances. But I didn't ask, whatever was wrong was causing a lot of distress so did I really want to know?

"Mrs Campbell?" the police man noted, Naomi looked up into the sorry looking man

"Cook is ready for you to see now" the man notified "Your friends may come to"

Naomi nodded and glanced at Effy, me and Emily. Emily rubbed the back of Naomi relaxing her

"Come on babes, it's going to be okay" Emily reassured as she stood up putting her hands up so Naomi could grab them. We all walked down a long corridor towards a room with a sign above it saying 'interrogation room', I was stunned were we about to be questioned about, I grabbed Emily's arm

"Ems… what's going on" Three pairs of eyes looked into me burning into my skin

"You don't know" she replied stuttering the words in shock. I shook my head; Emily looked at Naomi who also looked shocked. I could tell Emily wanted to tell me before we went in to the room but the police man insisted Naomi went in now

"Emily please don't let me go in there without you" Naomi pleaded

"Of course not" Emily responded glancing between me and her

"I will tell her… you go in and we will come in in a Minuit" I quickly glanced at Effy as she spoke, why did everyone know what was happening

Naomi nodded and whispered "thanks"

"Effy will explain what is going on but I got to go in there with Naomi now I will see you in a minuet, okay?" Emily informed me then took Naomi's hand and walked into the room closing the door behind them

I looked down at my shoes in the awkward silence between Effy and me as we stood in the empty corridor. I gave her a few moments to think about what she was going to say

"So did you miss cook while he had disappeared" she bluntly spoke

"Didn't realise he had gone away" I harshly admitted

She smirked "you didn't notice that the loud mouth of our group had vanished"

"Well we haven't really been hanging out as a group lately have we?" I noted, it was true we all had suddenly separated after the shed party Naomi and Emily went back to living and loving, Me and Effy spent quit a lot of time together. Panda was just panda and went out partying with guys to hide the fact that she was still hurt from the actions the love of her life did, shagging someone else. Thomas and JJ worked all the time and also JJ was always with his girlfriend which I wouldn't blame him because as soon as I find someone half decent I'll be off.

"True" Effy mumbled breaking me away from my thoughts "Katie, Do you remember Cook leaving Freddie's shed that night when we were celebrating his birthday?"

"Yes" I replied " he left pretty early I thought he was meant to be the party animal" I joked laughing as my mind flashed through memories of Cook on party nights and how he always got so excited, but then my grin suddenly disappeared as I saw Effy's face she was serious it was no times for jokes

"Well Cook left to go see John Foster"

"What that weird psychosis of yours?" I was confused

"Yes him, cook went to his house and beat the fuck out of him but got a bit smashed up himself…but his fine not too sure about Foster though"

"What why?" I shouted louder then what was needed

"I don't know, that's why the police called us down here to find out because there so crap at their job that they need a bunch of teenagers to do it for them" she debated adding in her own opinion

"How do they know cook beat up Foster?"

"Cook admitted doing it"

"He did what?" for the thousandth time today I was shocked

"Because Cook is such a Fucking gentlemen he admitted that he beat John half to death, we don't know if this is true because Foster is currently in a coma but the police are certain that he's telling the truth you know, due to his history of violence"

I nodded in agreement, then smirked at Cook being a gentlemen

"What so funny Fitch" Effy looked confused

"Cook… a gentleman" we both burst out laughing

**Cook**

I sat on the wooden chair leaning onto the table, clicking my knuckles in nervousness I hadn't seen Naomi in weeks and all she knew was that I had nearly killed a man I don't think she'll be too impressed especially when she doesn't even know why; no one did, except me and John Foster his name wanted to make me throw up

The door clicked as it opened Naomi's head poking round and giving me an insecure smile she was staying strong for me as usual. I didn't know what to say but before I could say anything Emily walked in the room as well I was okay with this but I just didn't expect it I thought Naomi might of wanted to hide this from her.

"Naomikins, Emily princess" I declared to them putting on a poker face that I as fine

"Cook" they both greeted as they sat down on the two chairs opposite to me

"Nice to see you Bo…" Naomi quickly cut me off

"Cook we haven't come here to fuck around we need answers" she informed me firmly as if she was an investigator

"Of course you do a lot of people do" I responded

"Cook you beat up John Foster" she spoke as if I didn't know

"So I did, well done you've been doing your research" I joked

She sighed in frustration that's what I loved about Naomi she didn't take bullshit of people

"Cook…" I turned to Emily as she pleaded, her eyes bored into me as if leaving a hole in my skin

A wave of seriousness came over the room as I sat up and leaned against the table

"There recording this, whatever I say, I like my privacy" I glanced over at a mirror I knew people were stood behind it watching me it was like in the movies

"Well I am afraid people who assault other people for no reason don't get privacy" Naomi bluntly replied

"I did have a reason, a pretty fucking good reason" I roared at them

"Then why haven't you been telling the police" Naomi spat back

"Because they don't listen they don't give a shit" I declared even thought that wasn't the truth

"Bullshit!" Naomi accused I knew she was getting annoyed with me and wouldn't take much more

"Naomi…its okay give him a chance" Emily whispered reassuring her by rubbing her back gently if only I had someone to be there for me

Don't be a dick cook, you do; you just throw it away

"Cook we are here for you, we want to help you but we can't do that till you tell us why you did it, be brave Cook" Emily Urged. I wanted to tell them so badly but I couldn't I would be betraying myself, I had vowed not to say anything

**Naomi**

I looked deeply into Emily's loving eyes squeezing her hand tightly and giving her a small smile. I remembered the last time Emily told me to 'be brave' when I used to run, when I used to be scared like cook but I am not now, well at least not scared of loving her but I am still terrified of losing her she had become part of me and I couldn't live my life without her I would be nothing

"I just…just can't, I am sorry" he begged his face suddenly saddening

"You can cook, don't disappoint yourself" I pleaded I needed answers

"That's what I am trying not to do but you just make it so hard" he yelled raising his voice

"The only person making it hard is you!" I spitefully through back

"You don't understand!" he cried, his eyes began to fill up with tears

"Help us understand then" Emily Expressed

"I…I…" he stuttered tears now falling down his cheeks as he sniffled whipping his nose with his sleeve

"Tell us, please" I nagged

"No because as soon as I fucking tell you then that's it, it makes it real that he actually did it!" Cook began to crack as he shook back and forth, this wasn't the cook I knew this was a frightened, lonely kid

"What do you mean what he actually did, who?" Emily requested

"John Foster" Cook replied his face full of tears, snot adding to it as it ran from his nose. He was a total mess as he wrapped his arms around himself, what had happened to make Cook be like this to turn him into something so unknown

"What did John Foster do cook?" I asked sternly

"He killed him!" Cook spat out

I gasped, stunned at what he had just said, no that can't be, murders happen on TV and in books not in Bristol

Emily started to shake as I wrapped my arm round her hiding her from the painful truth of death

"Wh…Who did he kill?" Emily sputtered out as I dug my face into her cheek not wanting this to be real

Cook sat there for a moment biting on his nails his hands soaked with tears along with his face

"Who Cook" Emily screamed out as I began to shake against her, I defiantly wasn't the strong one in this relationship

He stared at us both not wanting to say the words, he mouthed them making no sound as we carried on waiting for the answer

"John Foster killed Freddie!" he sobbed putting his face into his hands

The door clicked shut as we all turned and saw Effy, the one person who didn't deserve to find out this way.

**Effy**

No it isn't true; it can't be true John wouldn't have done that to Freddie, he wouldn't have done that to me. My heart may not have believed it but my mind did, as my eyes became over flowing with tears my knees buckled in as I collapsed to the floor hitting my fists angrily against the floor begging for it not to be real for me to suddenly wake up and for all of this to have been a dream.

My knuckles began to bleed but that didn't stop me, it just brought me to reality as the pain kicked in I needed it though, another emotion other than sadness

A fragile hand pressed against my shoulder as they pulled me back into a tight hug as I grasp round them to hanging on for dear life that is what it felt like.

"It's okay…everything will be okay" Katie began to mutter into my ear reassuring me I knew what she was saying wasn't true but it still made me feel better as she gently stroked my hair

I felt alone in darkness once again, Freddie was the one who dragged me out of it but I am now crawling back under my rock and staying there so I never get hurt again it was all too much the emotions buzzing round my head I didn't know what to do should I be angry?, sad?, hurt? I couldn't handle love so how was I going to handle death?

I lay in Katie's embrace for what felt like hours I couldn't stop crying, tears just kept coming.

When I looked up from Katie's wet shoulder I saw Naomi cradling cook in her arms as Emily stroked his back reassuring him her touch intensifying. Cook, didn't deserve this either did I, no one did yet it still happens

"Salutations everyone" JJ greeted us gleaming with joy until he saw the state we were in, his grin suddenly dropped

"Who's going to tell him then?" Naomi demanded looking up at everyone, her mascara running from the weeping

**Katie**

We all looked at JJ with guilt, take it no one was going to tell him then, I locked my eyes with Effy she held me tightly she didn't want me let go of her I mumbled in to her

"He has a right to know, I need to tell him" her gripped tighten so I couldn't move at all but after a moment she released me and replied

"I look up to you Katie; I could never be as strong as you"

I never had a choice of letting someone else be the strong one

I stood up; my legs felt weak as I dragged my body over to were JJ stood in confusion I regretted being the one to tell him

"JJ you're probably thinking what the fuck is going on" I started

He nodded at me he's eyes widening with the tension

"I...i don't know how to tell you" I whimpered, now I understand why cook took forever to tell someone "It's just… so…I…." I through a load of words out of my mouth I needed to think of how to tell him

"Pleas Katie, just tell me" JJ looked deeply into my eyes as I changed where I was looking from fearing him slightly. My skin tensed as a soft hand slipped into mine I quickly glance, it was Emily the one person I really did need at the moment

"JJ do you know we haven't seen Freddie in a while" I spoke calmly

He nodded once again

"Well that's because…" I bit my lip trying to fight back the tears "it's because John foster murdered him" I cried. He looked at me I couldn't tell what he was feeling

"No…no that's…its…No" he mumbled

"JJ it's true, he murdered him before I could save Freddie…I am sorry I should have been there…I should of fucking saved him" Cook screamed then began to shake again as Naomi hugged him even tighter

"No…" he roared pushing me and Emily out of the way and flipping over the table to get to cook, he ripped cook out of Naomi's arms as she screamed. JJ pined Cook against the wall we all watched I couldn't move I was in shock

"You did this you made him run away because you are such a selfish fucking cunt you should be the one dead right now you weren't there for him, all the fucking times he was there for you does that not mean anything to you, you're a pick and don't deserve friends this is what you do to people cook make them run away make them scared and you think it's funny you bastard Freddie didn't deserve this, you didn't deserve Freddie he always had your fucking back you Absolut dick " JJ declared screeching at cooks face, inches apart.

Cook was terrified, he didn't react, didn't push JJ off him nor did he shout back at him. He just cried thinking what JJ had said was the truth, but it wasn't; Freddie's death wasn't cooks fault.

No one had ever been scared of JJ not even a 6 year old little girl who called him gay once, even though she probably didn't know what it was. But here was Cook the toughest guy I knew cowering at the grasp of JJ.

JJ lifted his hand up into a fist as Effy winced when JJ went to punch cook I looked away not wanting to see best mates beating each other up, it wasn't right

"I am not going to punch you because I don't want to lower to your level" I quickly glanced back when I heard JJ's voice he hadn't hit cook but stopped his fist just a couple off centre metres before his face, cook had his eyes closed as I imagined he had flinched thinking JJ was going to punch him "I WOULD NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE YOU" JJ expressed Emphasizing the word never

JJ then released Cook as he slowly slid down the wall that JJ had him compressed against as he rocked himself back and forth muttering words to himself, anyone who would of seen this would of thought he was mental but I didn't he was trying to convince himself that it wasn't all his fault.

The whole room froze as JJ stormed out leaving the mess behind him wasn't the reaction we really wanted from JJ, but he did find out his best friends had been murdered he wanted someone to blame it on and unlucky for Cook it was him.

**Emily**

I rushed over to Naomi, cupping her face into my hands checking she wasn't hurt any where

"Are you okay?" I asked her anticipating for an answer but she just stood in shock, I pulled her into a tight hug as she dug her face into my shoulder I wanted to give JJ a piece of my mind for going near my girlfriend with rage even if he hadn't hurt her it still scared the shit out of her, nobody messed with Naomi on my watch.

I pulled her away after a while so I could see her face she was still stunned as her mouth kept closing and opening

"It's alright Naomi, everything's alright" I whispered trying to reassure her as I looked deep into her eyes.

I was disappointed with myself for just standing and watching it happen I should have interfered in with the whole scene but to admit it I was scared, scared of JJ I didn't know why, I had never seen him like that so I didn't know how to handle it.

Naomi rested her forehead against mine as we stayed there for a little while blocking out the world around us. We both pulled back at the same time locking each other's eyes. I gently grabbed her hands as she relaxed into my grasp

"You okay"" I questioned this time I wasn't as impatient for the answer

"Yeah I am fine" she replied, giving me a small smile

"You sure" pushing the question even further just wanting to make sure she was 100% positive

"Yes, I just got a bit scared" she answered "you probably think I am a right fucking coward" she whispered slightly embarrassed

"No Naomi, I would of ran for the hills if JJ came charging at me like that, you were brave; like you always are"

"Shit! He pushed you out the way didn't he?"

"He tried to but I moved out the way before he could don't worry, I am fine" I smiled at her concern for my safety

"Good" she gave my hands a tight squeeze "If he did hurt you I would have battered him!" she explained, I giggled finding her protectiveness adorable

"You may have wanted to off let him calm down after his anger though because he might have actually stood a chance against you with all that rage"

"you mean I didn't have a chance against him just then, See you do think I am coward I just sat there and screamed" she whined

"Yeah just a bit" I giggled, she smiled at me "but you're my coward" I added staring sweetly at her

"Your so fucking cheesy ems" She let out a small laugh

"I know, but you love it" I indicated with a wink, she placed a small peck on my lips as I was relieved that she was okay.

I peered around the room, I had forgotten for a second what had just happened, that's what Naomi did to me she lifted my mood, cheered me up when I was sad and made me feel safe when I was scared. Cook was curled into a ball; Naomi noticed where I was looking

"Come on, let's go see him" she noted as she kept hold of my hand while we walked over to him. Katie was with Effy as they both cried, I was glad they had each other to get through it, they had become so close recently after all the shit went on I actually am surprised that there now best friends but each to their own I wasn't going to start telling Katie who she should and shouldn't be friends with just because I wasn't so keen on certain people.

It wasn't that I didn't like Effy it's just I have never really spoken to her alone, never got to know her. Naomi told me about the side of Effy that not many people saw the side were she cared about people and their feelings and wanting to help, the only side I saw was the manipulative cow were she would play Cook and Freddie like puppets on strings but that's all in the past now, partly because there's no more Freddie but also she stopped messing with their head and let Freddie in, leaving Cook in the darkness like everyone did.

The thing is about are group is we don't really know each other were not like some kind of sleepover club; the show what Katie would make me watch when we were little, where we they're all best friends; there's none of that were just able to make each other laugh that's all that matters also we all like to party so that's an extra perk we have a good time with each other at that's the important thing

it is till serious shit happens and we have to rely on each other I wouldn't trust any of them to be honest except Naomi of course and Katie because she's my sister but what I am trying to get at is we each have someone, JJ has cook, Katie has Effy, Thomas has Panda and I am lucky enough to have the beautiful Naomi it used to be different but that's all changed now since the recent events but were all happy like this then when we feel like it we all meet up as a big group this means were not all close buddies and that's just the way it is

"Cook…Cook…come here" Naomi whispered gesturing Cook to hug a knelt down Naomi I stood over the two of them as Cook practically jumped on Naomi hugging her as if it was the only thing he had, she looked up at me and gave me a sad look as I went down on my knees

"It's alright cook, were here for you were not going any were you're gonna get through this" I assured him as Naomi gave me a coy smile

"You really think so princess" he feared unsure about it

"Come on Cook it's you were talking about course you will" I commented

He gave me half a smile

"But…" He started "it's true what JJ said it was my fault I drove him away so now he's never coming back" he added starting to look gloom he had calmed down now and the tears had disappeared

"No Cook don't ever think that what John Foster did was all up to him you couldn't stop that no one cook but you tried to, you tried your best to" Naomi mentioned

"But sometimes trying your best just isn't good enough Naomikins I failed him poor Fredster I wasn't there for him" Cook said

I didn't know what to say, nothing I say could change what happened so I just stayed quit letting Naomi talk she was good with words that's one of the many things I love about her

"No one was able to be there for him that doesn't mean it was any of our fault, whatever drove Foster to do it will never be a good enough explanation for killing such a good guy, we just got to stay strong Cook Fred's would of wanted that"

We both nodded In agreement with Naomi's words, she was right Freddie would of wanted us to get through this

"I don't know what to do; I have now officially lost both my best mates" he noted

"Don't do anything, just let JJ calm down people handle things differently and JJ's way of getting through it is anger, taking it out on people give him some time to calm down he will probably come back and apologise to you" Naomi insisted

"He doesn't need to apologise" Cook grunted

"Either do you, it wasn't your fault" I added trying to get his head around the fact the he didn't cause this

"Those bloody police should of let me finish Foster off he had it coming"

"I know cook, I know" Naomi agreed, stroking Cook gently down his back, something Naomi did to me when I was frustrated or upset in any other case I would be going mental but Cook needed us he needed to feel that we did care about him.

We stayed there for a while till the police came in they must of wanted to give us all time to calm down and dry are eyes we were all inn a state, shedding tears for are dear friend Freddie

"Ermm...excuse me but I am afraid we have to take James to interrogation"

We all looked up to see the sorry looking faces of two police men

"It's Cook… my names Cook" Cook stated his voice seemed annoyed

"We will come and see you tomorrow, okay?" Naomi mentioned as she got up

"Make sure you tell them everything you know Cook" I insisted he nodded at me with is sad eyes

I hovered over to where Effy and Katie sat on the floor cuddled into a bundle. I placed my hand n Katie's shoulder as she looked up at me

"Time to go sis" I informed her as I helped them both up

I tensed when someone gently took my hand but then relaxed when I realised it was Naomi, she had just finished of saying good bye to Cook and we were ready to go

We nodded good bye to the police as they thanked us for are time, I held the door open for Naomi as she glanced back to Cook

"Think about what I said Cook" she spoke before leaving hand in hand with me. I hadn't noticed Naomi whispering to Cook when she was saying her goodbyes; what did she mean when she said think about what I said, think about what?


	4. Chapter 4

Okay so here is another chapter hope you enjoy :). Thank you for the review I have tried to do better with my spelling and grammar I just have so much to say sometimes and just spill it out onto the page so I don't always make sense sorry done my best this time and checked it a few times, tell me how i have done?

If you like please review :)

**JJ **

I ran out of the police station as fast as I could sprinting all the way home not looking back. I wanted to forget what had just happened I didn't want it to be real I was so enraged with it all I couldn't handle it.

I didn't know who that was back then, who pinned Cook against the wall and yelled at him for something what wasn't even his part taking. He didn't cause Foster to kill Freddie, so why did I blame him.

I thought we were happy, we were happy right? Freddie finally had Effy, Cook got over his love for her and we were the musketeers once more. The tension was stopping us from going back to normal though they thought I didn't notice it but I did the fact that Freddie stole the only girl Cook ever loved

"Jeremiah, so glad you're here can you just help me with the shopping" My mum cheerfully said as I pushed past her, my hands in my pocket and my head down

"Excuse me mister"" she screeched "What do you think you're doing?"

I ignored her as she carried on screaming her voice being blocked out when I slammed my door shut sliding down it as I closed my eyes breathing out air in frustration, she didn't have a clue

"JJ, you alright?" the voice of my girlfriend relaxing me until I tensed up realising she was in my room

"Lara?" I responded confused to what she was doing in my room, not that I minded.

I looked up seeing her sitting on my bed, I didn't know whether to answer her question to if I was alright, no I wasn't but I thought it was best to just not tell her in case I got angry and took it out on her

"Yes I am fine, just… mum being annoying that's all" I quipped trying to sound as normal as possible

"Good, do you not remember you said I could come round to yours today, your mum said you weren't in but would be back soon so I should just wait in your room and here I am" she informed me sounding a bit embarrassed at the end. I must of looked confuse as she added

"Shit did you forget, you look surprised at me being here, maybe I should just leave" she grabbed her coat and bag and stood up as I got up as well. She grabbed the door knob as I placed my hand on hers

"Don't be silly, sorry I was at this thing and I took longer than I expected, of course you should stay we got time alone without the baby I think we should appreciate it"

She relaxed as she let go of the door knob still clutching my hand

"What have you in mind of how to appreciate the time then?" she questioned raising an eyebrow. I stepped closer towards her wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her in for a passionate kiss

"How rude of me I haven't said hello yet" I spoke between the gaps of the kissing

"I think we can let that one go" she joked as we both grinned pulling away from yet another amazing kiss with her

**Thomas **

I marched up her drive not looking back I didn't want to chicken out from what I was about to do. I was sick of this I was sorry and I she knew it, I had tried everything apologising over and over, making her jealous, pretending I don't notice her but now I wanted to get her attention she needed to know how I truly felt and what I wanted

I knocked on the door as her mum answered

"Hello Thomas haven't seen you in a while, have you come to see Panda?" she asked her voice as polite as always

"Yes I have, is she in" I asked impatient for the answer as I kept glancing at the stairs

"Why yes she is but…"

I interrupted her as I stepped past her and rushed up the stairs letting my adrenalin rush take over bursting through her bedroom door

There she was sat next to Effy as they both lay on her bed I didn't take much notice to Effy and didn't look at panda straight in the face I was too scared

"Thomas what are you…"

Once again I interrupted another person today

"Panda I have come here because I need to let you know, you need to know how I feel about you. I love you panda I can't stop thinking about you, us. You're the only person who means so much like this to me I was a dick panda because I threw it all away but I didn't mean for it to happen if I could I would go back in time and change it so that you and me never broke up but I am afraid that is not possible so that is why I am here to beg for your forgiveness like I forgave you when you screwed Cook. I finally realised how much you mean to me, when we were in Freddie's shed talking about university and I thought that I could never leave without you saying goodbye in my arms then you touched my hand and I felt the spark you can't deny it; it's still their panda , please panda can we start again?" I brought up all my courage to do that I hope I was not about to be knocked down

A tear escaped my eye as I looked deeply into pandas eyes, her mascara had run and her eyes were red she wasn't crying because of what I had just said, so what was she crying for?

"Thomas" she yelled as she ran into my arms I tightly hugged her not wanting to let go, resting my face on her shoulder taking in a good smell of her; the smell that I loved.

She held me but took her head back so she could look at me face to face

"Thomas I love you" she whispered, that's all it took for me to be happy again to know she still had the same feelings

She looked back at Effy who had also been crying her eyes red raw, I was confused

"What is going on?" I asked

"Freddie's dead Thommo, John foster murdered him" she replied tears filling up quickly in her eyes

All the happiness was suddenly sucked out of me as Panda said those words I thought it was all a dream, all too good for Panda to forgive me so there had to be something to drag me back down. I didn't know what to say I wasn't that close to Freddie.

Panda pulled me in for a tight hug I didn't even relies a vast amount of tears were running down my cheeks as she whispered soothingly into my ear.

Was I upset I couldn't grasp what emotion I was going through I mean I was so happy panda still loved me to but then to find out someone you knew was murdered was saddening

"Effy came round to tell me, she had just been at the police station with Cook who was found by the police beating up John Foster then Cook told everyone that Freddie was dead, then JJ came and got angry and pinned Cook against the wall, can you believe it! It's so sad Thommo I am so glad you're here, I really need you Thomas"

"I am here Panda, I am here" I muttered still in shock

"Cooks been arrested, JJ's gone mental and Freddie's dead" she cried as I embraced her even tighter

"It…it's not fair" I stuttered

"Life's not fair" Effy stated as she got up and walked to the door "so glad you to are back together, perfect timing" she said sarcastically

"Effy wait" Panda cried when Effy began to walk of

"No panda, I won't" she spat out as she walked down the stairs. Panda flinched to go after her but I held her even tighter locking her in my arms its best to just leave her she was pissed because Freddie had died, the person she loved and here I am rubbing panda and mines love for each other in her face.

It was harsh what I had done I shouldn't of hugged her right in front of Effy but I was so happy she loved me to

I felt like I had just stolen Panda of Effy when she needed her most I was such a jerk

"Happy for you two fucking love bunnies" she yelled as she reached the bottom of the stairs

"She's mad at me Thommo, and I don't know why" Panda whispered worriedly. I loved how innocent Panda was and that she didn't have a clue

"We made her upset, she's lost her love of her life and then she had to watch us happy in love" I explained to her

"Oh…" she muttered "your right Thomas"

"I am" I asked

"Yeah, we are in love" she smiled facing me as I grinned back

Gently stealing a kiss from her lips, she cheekily smiled at me after pulling back then all of a sudden she jumped on me forcing us both to fall back as she kissed me again and again passionately on the lips

**Naomi**

I lay with Emily on the sofa snuggled up together, a blanket covering both of us as we relaxed comfortably in each other's arms.

We had decided against going out and partying due to the events of today of finding out one of our friends had been murdered and Cook in the middle of a break down along with Effy the thing what angered me was the police didn't let me help him instead they shooed me off after I got the information out of Cook, there pricks the lot of them

My thoughts were broken after Emily started screaming at the T.V

"Take a gamble, RISK IT!"

"Ems…babes they can't hear you" I chuckled adoring her cuteness

She playfully hit me as she giggled

"I know but it's just frustrating that she's come on the show and not even playing the game properly" she yelled

I loved how worked up she was getting over a Game show on TV, it was deal or no deal, or maybe something else I wasn't really paying attention it was pretty shit whatever it was

"Nah she shouldn't, I would just walk out of there with the money, I hate taking risks" I commented receiving a glare of Emily

"Well good thing you're not on the show then, you would be crap" she mocked as we both giggled it was true I would be

"No…" Emily roared as the women on the show decided to take the money "Stupid cow"

I smirked as she flustered her hands in the air through annoyance

"It's okay it means the 'stupid cow' won't win as much as the rest of the people who have the balls to take a risk" I reassured her

"Does that mean you don't have a pair of balls because you're scared of taking a risk" she joked

"I am afraid so Emsy…" I replied smiling at her as she placed a quick peck on my lips before turning back to the telly

"That's not too bad though" she added as I rested my head into her shoulder nuzzling my nose into her as she pulled away from the tickle then resting back to me as I closed my eyes blanking out the noise of the T.V and just smelling the Beautiful red head I was resting upon, The smell what I lived for as I felt her chest raise and fall as she breathed beneath me.

"You're the only risk I'll ever take Ems" I muttered into her tender neck I felt her grin in the joy of my words. Nothing else was said, nothing else was needed to be said she understood what I meant. How she was a risk, well at first she was when I didn't know I was gay or straight or anything and I took my chances and let Emily love me, and me love her back and that was the best decision so far in my life!

I fell deeply into a peaceful sleep, Emily gently playing with my hair; the one thing she knew I loved while we snuggled

**Katie**

"She just stormed off Katie after telling me what happened, she had the crazies in her eyes, I went loopy with worry as she cried I never seen her like that it was like I was talking to a monkey I had never met before she was whooped up with emotion" Panda informed me as I sipped my cup of tea trying to work out what she just said

"She got really upset when Thomas showed up and declared how much he loved me, isn't that right Thommo?" Panda added as she squeezed Thomas's hand as he looked up at me, he looked really guilty nodding then he began to speak

"Maybe it wasn't the best time for me to do it" He admitted, I smiled at him reassuring him

"It's okay Thomas she's just a bit upset, she really did care about Freddie; we all did"

I had gone to Panda's house after Effy ran off when we left the room were cook informed us about Freddie's death she was still in tears as she sprinted of, I was worried sick about her and needed to find her.

I thought she would come see Panda as she was her best friend; I was right just a bit too late.

When I turned up and knocked on the door Thomas opened the door…shirtless to my surprise then Panda came rushing behind him laughing and giggling, clawing her hands all over Thomas's open flesh but suddenly stopped when Thomas nudged her to let her know I was stood watching in the shock, when the hell had they got back together I had thought.

Ten minutes later I was seating on the couch in Pandas front room as Thomas handed me some tea as I began my question on where Effy was.

I didn't stay long, didn't want to hold up Thomas and Pandas great reunion sex

_Cringe_

I still was in the same place as I had begun, at not having a clue of were Effy was I didn't stop my searching I needed to find her nobody could trust her to not do anything stupid I knew she still would do something like over dose or drink too much or even split her wrists again, this time Freddie wasn't there to be her knight in shining armour, I had to be me since everyone else were wrapped up in love

I knocked; a shot of pain through my knuckles as I hit the wooden door hoping someone was in, I knocked louder than necessary as the door flung open before I could knock again

"Shhh…Naomi has just fallen asleep, you will wake her up" Emily hissed as she gestured for me to go into the house as I did

"What are you her fucking baby sitter now" I scoffed though Emily didn't find the humour of it as she threw glares at me

"No… Naomi's just been twitching and fidgeting all evening she's worried sick of Cook" she replied turning the conversation suddenly serious as I looked down at my shoes

"Well she's not the only one" I whispered

"What? Since when do you give a fuck about Cook?"

"I just do okay, he's a friend and I don't like people having to go through shit" I admitted truthfully rather annoyed as she mocked me

"Ha… funny that; when I had problems you enjoyed every minute of it" Emily spat out.

It hurt to hear her say it but it hurt even more because it was true. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I quickly grabbed for Emily embracing her in a hug as I dug my face into her shoulder hiding my tears.

She was taken back but then after a moment returned the embrace as she wrapped her arms round me kissing my head

"It's okay Katie" she whispered

"It's not" I muttered "I was supposed to look after Effy and I can't even fucking do that, she ran off and I have been trying to find her for hours but she's just disappeared what if she's gone done something stupid!" I added pulling away from her grasp starting to worry even more

"Hey don't think like that, Effy's strong she will get through this, you have been helping her. She probably just needed some time alone you know to think about it all. She knows you're here for her and that's at least something just give her a chance to realise what is happening. She's a very clever girl you just got to trust that she will keep herself safe"

"I screw everything up and I just don't know any more everything was so amazing but now it's crumbled around me. I wanted everything to be perfect but now one of my friends is dead another one is mentally unstable everyone seems to find love so easily except me and I can't have kids!" I yelled regretting to say about the kids bit because I suddenly remembered that I hadn't told many people yet including Emily

"Katie…what do you mean you can't have kids?" she asked looking at me I didn't know what to say I didn't want her to find out like this. Tears stroked across my cheeks as I began to shake ever so slightly

"Katie…please tells me" she added remaining calm as I looked away from her and down to my feet. She gently put her hands around my face using her thumbs to wipe away my tears

"I went to see the doctors, I fucking thought I was pregnant Ems…but I was wrong, so wrong. They told me I had premature menopause, I can't have children of my own…ever" I finally admitted as I threw myself to the ground sobs of tears

"Katie don't do this to yourself, your one of the strongest people I fucking know, I have always admired that in you. You will get through this…it's alright Katie it's all going to be alright" Emily bent down wrapping herself round me so tightly

"But how will someone ever love me when I can't have children with them" I questioned knowing she wouldn't truly have the answer but I just needed something to hold on

"Babes love doesn't work like that, it unconditional and if they do leave you because of something like that then that's their loss you're an amazing person Katie it just means it wasn't meant to be, you will find that perfect man one day" she assured me as she gently stroked my back relaxing me and murmuring soft words into my ears

We stayed like that for about ten minutes until my legs didn't feel like jelly and I was able to keep my balance

"Come on Effy will be fine for tonight; it's too cold to go searching. Stay here you can sleep in the spare room call mum and tell her you're staying with me and Naomi. You can have a nice hot bath you must be freezing raiding the streets for the past few hours" she decide.

The offer did sound nice and it did mean that she didn't have to get on a bus full of drunks just to get back to the caravan we were living in at the moment

"Will Naomi mind?" I asked remembering the so called sleeping beauty Emily was in love with

"She is passed out on the sofa; I don't think she will mind. Plus she's starting to warm up to you Katie" she smiled at me as I chuckled at the thought of how Naomi and me used to be oral enemies but not anymore she was funny and a good laugh as long as she didn't hurt Emily again I would be willing to be friends

"Okay its sounds great" I grinned as she took my hand pulling me towards the stairs

"Thanks Emily" I whispered giving her another hug for my appreciation

"You're always welcome Katie" she cheerfully added as she kissed the top of my head. I did love her, she was an amazing sister but I would never admit it to her she might get to full of herself, I chuckled at the thought of it

"Look at me sleeping in the lesbo shack, who would of thought hey" I giggled as she gave me a glare but then smirking as we both became over whelmed in laughter

**Effy**

I had run away from my troubles, I had never ran away tony taught me to be brave and face it all with a smirk and an attitude to scare my problems away; That wasn't going to work this time though.

I had nowhere to go everyone was in fucking love anywhere. Anywhere I would go there would be something pushing in my face that my love was dead the 'one' as people called it was now stone cold and probably being poked with a stick to find out how he died.

I final decided where I was to go, the other person who had 'ran away', maybe he would understand how I felt. He also had loads of mango juice and I was thirsty with all the crying I did. I think I let out all the liquid in my body, I needed to refill

I knocked on the door and waited patiently as it opened revealing the frizzy haired weirdo I was expecting

"Effy…what are you doing here?" JJ questioned surprised with my sudden appearance

"Now JJ don't be rude its cold outside, aren't you going to invite me in" I blocked out his question by asking my own

"Yes of course "He replied blinking his eyes as if still trying to figure out if it was reality.

He moved out the way letting me squeeze past into the tight corridor and out the cold night air it was about 9 O'clock I am surprised JJ wasn't in bed.

I went through to his kitchen slumping down onto a chair that was part of his dining table, I was shattered

"Why are you here Effy?" he asked me; I thought I had escaped this question, obviously not

"We found out that are friend had died today JJ, do you remember?" I mocked locking eyes with him

"Ah…I…I…do" he stuttered, as I stared deeply into his eyes before he looked away

"It wasn't Cook's fault" I informed him as I placed my legs up onto the table making myself at home

"I know…but someone had to take the blame" He whispered looking down at his shoes

"The blame goes to John Foster" I mentioned keeping my cool as I said the name of the man who murdered Freddie with disgust

"But Cook wasn't there for him" he exclaimed

"Neither were you!" I had a sudden temper. I felt bad for Cook he was always the bad guy

"But I am useless fucking JJ" he indicated

"No JJ, I bet your girlfriend will disagree with that since you were fucking her instead of saving Freddie" I bellowed as he jumped back in horror

"Your right I should have been there, I was a crap friend, stupid fucking cunt I am not a good friend, and Freddie died because of me" He expressed tugging at his curls on his head

"No JJ, I wasn't saying it was your fault but it wasn't Cooks either" I explained standing up and opening up the fridge, pulling out a fresh carton of mango juice pouring a glass and handing it to the sobering boy leaning against the counter. He took it gratefully gulping it down instantly and wiping his upper lip with his sleeve

"Your right Effy I shouldn't have shouted at Cook, he didn't deserve for me to take it out on him like that"

"JJ were all in the same boat Cook is cut up about the murdered as well as us, Fuck Freddie was the guy who kept him from getting himself in trouble who's going to do that now"

"No one will his off to jail, he still beat up Foster"

"Just like you were going to beat up Cook because you thought it was all his fault don't think you better then Cook" I commented

"I am not the one off to jail!" he yelled before pouring a glass of mango juice out again this time grabbing a extra glass and filling it with mango juice before handing it to me

"Thanks" I muttered taking a mouthful of the juice

"Who's off to jail?" I heard a squeaked voice before looking up towards where the sound had come from; it was Lara. Naomi had told me about her she said how she seemed nice but was very quiet

I looked up at JJ waiting for him to say something

"Nobody, just some messed up shit that has nothing to do with me" he said as he walked over to her kissing her gently on the top of her head

"Your best friends of to jail and you have nothing to fucking do with it" I announced annoyed how he could just blank out an issue.

He glared at me

"JJ what's she on about" Lara looked concerned

"SHE" I emphasized "is on about how his best mate is off to jail for beating the crap out of the guy who murdered his other best mate. Oh did dear old JJ not tell you that"

"JJ is this true" she had a watery look in her eye. JJ didn't answer just stood there looking between me and Lara

"Come on JJ aren't you going to tell your girlfriend the truth" I mocked smirking

"It is true, Effy it's time for you to leave" he instructed clenching his fists.

I pushed by in-between them separating them as they both stood in silence

And now my work was done

I walked out the door standing in the street as I lit up a cigarette.

I knew JJ wouldn't have told Anyone, I didn't want him to have to face this alone like me. Now he told his girlfriend it means she can help him get through this, and hopefully he would go visit Cook so he too would have someone this plan had to work otherwise there was nothing else to do.

**JJ**

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lara asked

"Because I didn't want to think about it, I would of just of gotten angry" I claimed finally looking at her face seeing the disappointment in her eyes

"JJ you got to trust me with your feelings otherwise there's no point…" she insisted as

"No point in what?" I asked

"Don't change the subject" she knowingly said

"Fine you want to know then I will tell you" I broke under the pressure

"Thank you" she whispered taking hold of my hand

We sat at the table for about twenty minutes as I told her everything I knew, answering all the questions she had before we ended up just hugging for a moment it was nice to know she was there for me

"Come on time for bed" she informed me resting her hand on my shoulder. My mum had gone out to Dads work due so the house was mine tonight as I invited Lara round it was all going well till Effy turned up

"You go up I'll be there I'll just be a minute, got to go do something" I smiled as she nodded and walked to the stairs

**Effy**

I was still sat on the wall outside JJ's house I didn't really have anywhere to go. Luckily I had a thick coat on so I wasn't too cold out in the dark night air

I looked behind me as I heard the door open and JJ appear

"Thought you would still be here" he noted as I nodded

"I don't exactly have any place to go" I mentioned

"Just go home Effy" he spoke bluntly I was taken aback by his words.

I got up and started walking away

"Oh and Effy…" JJ called as I spun round to see what he had to say

"Just because your relationship has disappeared doesn't mean you have to destroy mine" he said seriously before stepping back inside, this was even more shocking it was true what he said.

I started crying missing Freddie and his stoned ways, his soft touch and rugged smell I missed everything about him I just wanted him back!

As I sat on the curb of the pavement in sobs my phone began to vibrate I flipped it open as it noted I had one new message

_Katie's been looking for u worried sick don't have to tell me where u R or who Ur wiv just let me kno Ur safe and don't do anything stupid_

_Emily xxx_

I quickly texted back that I was 'O.K' before shoving my phone back into my pocket

_Let them in Effy they do care_

_If you have enjoyed reading this plz review :)._


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